EIGHT THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY

Those people who can count themselves as Ian's friends will surely have received quite a few of the witty takes on life that he likes to send via email. Below I share the latest that he sent to me.

8 - Life is sexually transmitted.

7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

6 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

5 - Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 quid and a substantial tax cut saves you 50p?

2 - In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:

We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in Britain. But we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the DVLA in charge of immigration.

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.Well for example, the other day Jim, Linda, and I went to town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about five minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on buddy, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a jerk. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So Linda called him an idiot. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.This went on for about 10 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.